Hey guys, guess what day it is? HUMP DAY!! Woo Woo!
One thing Ross and I hear from a lot of our friends is that we have the "perfect" relationship and they want to have one like ours. Well I'm here to tell you that our relationship is far from perfect. We argue, bicker, and get annoyed with each other, but in the end we forgive and move on. So if that's your definition of perfection then yes, we are perfect!
I'm going to give some advice and information about relationships that I have learned through the 4 years of being with him. Now, I know not all relationships are the same and their is an exception to every rule, but these are just basic things I've learned and I hope it helps you or someone you know through anything they may be struggling with.
1. You have to forgive & move on
I know this sounds like the hardest thing in the world to do sometimes, trust me, I've been in this situation, but you have to forgive them no matter how hard it may be. If you believe that what they did was too horrible to continue being with them then that's fine but there still has to be forgiveness. It may take you a week or it may take you a year but it still needs to be done. If you decide to break up after what happened and you don't forgive them they will always have that over you. Every time you see them you will instantly become angry or upset with them and they shouldn't have that type of control over you. Once you forgive them you can finally let go of them and the situation. That way when you happen to bump into them on the street you can smile, say hi, ask how they are, and move on with your life. If you decide you want to stay with that person then it's a must have to forgive them or your relationship will never be healthy or happy. You will always have what they did to you in the back of your mind and you can't have a healthy relationship while you're being bitter towards them. You may be able to hide it for awhile but I can guarantee that the first time you have an big argument what they did will be one of the first things to come out of your mouth. Which leads me to my next point.
2. Don't dwell on things that happened in the past
This is one of the biggest problems I have in our relationship. I hold onto things that happened a long time ago and I always bring them up while arguing which is NOT the thing to do. If you have something in your mind that you can't seem to stop thinking about than you need to sit down with your significant other and explain to them what's going on. There may just need to be more open communication between the both of you or maybe you just didn't get all your questions answered about what really happened. Regardless, you need to get those answers and not bring it up ever again. It's not fair to your partner when you bring up their past mistakes while you're arguing about present day things.
3. The first year makes it seem easy
I have noticed through most relationships, including ours, that the first year is a piece of cake. It's all lovey dovey with a cherry on top. This is the puppy love stage. Please do not be fooled into thinking that this stage continues on through the following years. Yes, there are times when those romantic puppy love type of things happen after the first year has came and gone but it's nothing like it was during that year. We use to talk on the phone for hours, we would even message each other on Facebook all the time because it seemed quicker then texting. He use to write sweet status updates about me in Latin, obviously I couldn't read them, but it was still sweet to know he took the time to do that. Do I miss those things? Of course. Am I still in love with him even though those things don't happen anymore? YES! Once you pass that year mark is when reality starts to set in. You will most likely have your first big fight right around this time, at least for us it happened this way. It's not always a bad thing though that you move away from the puppy love stage, it just means your relationship is maturing and growing. You're moving onto more serious types of things and you can really start to see who and what your significant other is like.
4. Love is a verb
I read an article once called "I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married". If you'd like to read it, click here. It is one of the best articles about love that I have ever read. It's about a man who thought he fell head over heels in love with his soon to be wife, but after marrying her he realized that what he felt was going away. He wasn't feeling that spark anymore. He thought that he had to be feeling something to know he was in love, he thought love was an emotion. He started doing things around the house, just small things like doing the dishes or making dinner, and suddenly he started to seeing the look of true love that she would give him when he did those things. Love is about putting someone else's needs above your own. I never really noticed it before reading this article but once I read it I started noticing the same feelings that he started feeling. When Ross makes me tea when I'm not feeling well, not because I asked him but because he just wanted to help me. That's true love. Think about it, when the person you love just does things for you or for the good of the relationship because they want too, not because you asked them too. Doesn't that make you fall even more in love with them? One of my favorite lines in the article is at the very end when he says, "living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives."
5. Allow for girl/guy time
So, this is a hard one for me. I hate to admit it but I use to hate being away from Ross for more then just class time. When we first started dating I was obsessed, which is NOT a good thing. Trust me, we had a lot of problems because of it. To be honest I am still this way to an extent but definitely not as bad as at first. Now that we are in Ames and I've found some friends that I can go out and spend time with I think it's actually made out relationship stronger. Ladies, let your man have his friends over to play a night of Call of Duty. While he had his friends over you get out of the house and go get coffee with a group of your friends. Guys, let her go out for her friend's birthday party. While she's out how about going to the bar & grill and shooting some pool and playing darts with your friends. I promise you that if you allow them to do things with their friends they are less likely to resent you in the future and the time you do spend together will be that much more special.
6. Acceptance
The last little piece of advice I'm going to give you is to except the other person as they are. Everyone is going to have their little quirks and annoyances about them but we have to learn to either deal with them and move on or decide it's too much for us and leave. I know that I can be too hard on Ross sometimes when it comes to little things he does. Like, chewing on plastic straws! Errgg..I hate it so much when he finished his drink and starts chewing on the straw. If I don't stop him he eventually has the whole thing in his mouth. I tell him it's not good on his gums or teeth, he doesn't seem to care. I know I shouldn't bug him about it all the time because he hates it, but I think I care too much sometimes. We have to just let them be themselves and do things they want. Let them express their emotions, as long as they are healthy, in their own way. I would rather just keep talking about it and he would rather not talk and just let time take away the anger. I feel that some people can push their partners too far into doing what they want to do and in the way they want to do it. For one, that's not healthy, and for two, our partners are going to resent us one day for pushing them to do something they don't want to do.
I hope the rest of your hump day runs smoother then a camels back ;)
xoxo -Kristen
3. The first year makes it seem easy
I have noticed through most relationships, including ours, that the first year is a piece of cake. It's all lovey dovey with a cherry on top. This is the puppy love stage. Please do not be fooled into thinking that this stage continues on through the following years. Yes, there are times when those romantic puppy love type of things happen after the first year has came and gone but it's nothing like it was during that year. We use to talk on the phone for hours, we would even message each other on Facebook all the time because it seemed quicker then texting. He use to write sweet status updates about me in Latin, obviously I couldn't read them, but it was still sweet to know he took the time to do that. Do I miss those things? Of course. Am I still in love with him even though those things don't happen anymore? YES! Once you pass that year mark is when reality starts to set in. You will most likely have your first big fight right around this time, at least for us it happened this way. It's not always a bad thing though that you move away from the puppy love stage, it just means your relationship is maturing and growing. You're moving onto more serious types of things and you can really start to see who and what your significant other is like.
4. Love is a verb
I read an article once called "I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married". If you'd like to read it, click here. It is one of the best articles about love that I have ever read. It's about a man who thought he fell head over heels in love with his soon to be wife, but after marrying her he realized that what he felt was going away. He wasn't feeling that spark anymore. He thought that he had to be feeling something to know he was in love, he thought love was an emotion. He started doing things around the house, just small things like doing the dishes or making dinner, and suddenly he started to seeing the look of true love that she would give him when he did those things. Love is about putting someone else's needs above your own. I never really noticed it before reading this article but once I read it I started noticing the same feelings that he started feeling. When Ross makes me tea when I'm not feeling well, not because I asked him but because he just wanted to help me. That's true love. Think about it, when the person you love just does things for you or for the good of the relationship because they want too, not because you asked them too. Doesn't that make you fall even more in love with them? One of my favorite lines in the article is at the very end when he says, "living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives."
5. Allow for girl/guy time
So, this is a hard one for me. I hate to admit it but I use to hate being away from Ross for more then just class time. When we first started dating I was obsessed, which is NOT a good thing. Trust me, we had a lot of problems because of it. To be honest I am still this way to an extent but definitely not as bad as at first. Now that we are in Ames and I've found some friends that I can go out and spend time with I think it's actually made out relationship stronger. Ladies, let your man have his friends over to play a night of Call of Duty. While he had his friends over you get out of the house and go get coffee with a group of your friends. Guys, let her go out for her friend's birthday party. While she's out how about going to the bar & grill and shooting some pool and playing darts with your friends. I promise you that if you allow them to do things with their friends they are less likely to resent you in the future and the time you do spend together will be that much more special.
6. Acceptance
The last little piece of advice I'm going to give you is to except the other person as they are. Everyone is going to have their little quirks and annoyances about them but we have to learn to either deal with them and move on or decide it's too much for us and leave. I know that I can be too hard on Ross sometimes when it comes to little things he does. Like, chewing on plastic straws! Errgg..I hate it so much when he finished his drink and starts chewing on the straw. If I don't stop him he eventually has the whole thing in his mouth. I tell him it's not good on his gums or teeth, he doesn't seem to care. I know I shouldn't bug him about it all the time because he hates it, but I think I care too much sometimes. We have to just let them be themselves and do things they want. Let them express their emotions, as long as they are healthy, in their own way. I would rather just keep talking about it and he would rather not talk and just let time take away the anger. I feel that some people can push their partners too far into doing what they want to do and in the way they want to do it. For one, that's not healthy, and for two, our partners are going to resent us one day for pushing them to do something they don't want to do.
I hope the rest of your hump day runs smoother then a camels back ;)
xoxo -Kristen
Wow I really liked this post!!
ReplyDeleteAmanda
Thanks Amanda!! :)
ReplyDelete